DIAGNOSIS round 1

Monday May 14th 2012.  Barcelona. I had just given a workshop for yoga teachers at the weekend and I was exhausted.  The workshop had been an immense amount of work, preparation, worry and my god when I think of the work that went into the advertising.  That Monday evening I slumped down on our scratched up green sofa (cats!), and I just didn't have to do ANYTHING ELSE!  A blissful moment.  My boyfriend was giving me a mini reflexology session on my feet.  I was about to start living again, about to start enjoying life again, I could finally stop struggling with work.

Then he touched a part of my foot which sent a twinge to my chest, my hand automatically went to my left breast and that's when I felt a lump.  Thing is, I had felt it once before, a couple of weeks (?) or months before but I hadn't taken it in.  This time it was undeniable.  Then the really weird thing is that that night I slept like a log, more deeply than I'd slept in months, possibly years.  It took a while before my nervous system actually agreed to go into shock over the whole thing.

So I went to my Spanish GP, who felt my breast and referred me to a private clinic for tests the next day (one of the mysteries of the Spanish NHS, the public health system works with the private but is paid for by the public?) where they promptly scared the life out of me:
1  The Mammogram - a nameless, stressed-out technician shoved my startled breast into the machine as if she were putting plasticine, not human flesh,  into a cold tin can.  I was crying, shaking with fear and in a lot of discomfort (and thinking who was responsible for inventing this torture?)  but it was the technician who screamed at ME to relax!
2  The Ultrasound - much more bearable than the mammogram, (in fact I could imagine it being quite pleasurable if you're looking for things other than alien lumps).  The nurse (I think) introduced herself, the doctor (I imagine) didn't.  The lump certainly appeared the wrong sort.
3  The biopsy - bleedin' nora, the mammogram had been a breeze in comparison.  Don't look at the needle, Lisa, just don't look girl.  And yes, I looked.  A needle designed with elephants or blue whales in mind, went deep into my left breast and they sort of wriggled it around, extracted bits of me, and then came the sound of something being stapled.  Yes stapled.  I never asked what.  The doctor with no name went to her desk.  The nurse saw me out.

Then I went back to the GP after the delights of the Delos clinic.  The results of the biopsy would come within a week or so.  The doctor thought it best I go to the local hospital, where they had a fast-track centre for dealing with breast cancer.  I went home with a beaten-up breast but hopeful, it might still be benign.